to complete me

He called me twice this morning, bedeena bl mind games, “I love you” “I miss you” and anything you could think of!

I hate being mean, I hate being a bitch! This person whom I spent part of my life with, comes and say I love you, and I’m silent... I don’t know what to say, what do you say if you don’t feel it back?

My mom says “you being silent is misleading him, he would think you love him but your just pissed at him”.. but I told him before many times, I do not love you...i said it via phone, via email, and in person when he came to my family’s house. He’s either playing dumb, or just not getting it...

During my whole relationship with him, I never loved him passionately, glbee never yfz 3leeh... I will not deny, for a period, when I first had our daughter, yes I was grateful for him, he granted me a wish I always longed for...he helped me become a mother, and I loved him for that...and I guess I will always be grateful for him for making me a mother...and I guess that’s why I can’t be mean, I see him in his kids faces, how can hate him and part of him is in my kids, in el3yoon elle ashoof fehaa?!!!

But love? Love like elle bl ash3aaar or songs naah never happened! NEVER!... everyone around me knows that! It was so obvious throughout my marriage...everyone saw it, I never disrespected him once, but I also never loved him once...

He was never able to attract me... I’m attracted by intelligence, by intellect...i’m attracted by a man who is able to make me feel as his equal yet I choose to be weaker than him...never at any point in my relation with him I felt as an equal, nor I surrendered to be weaker than him...i was the one who took care of everything and everyone, from the smallest thing to the bigger things...he was more like my responsibility than my life companion...madree madree

Elmoshklaa they guy is not dumb, he’s very smart, but not the kind of smarts I’m attracted too... lol keef explain this?! I guess he’s not cultured enough? Never been exposed to the outside? Although he lived for around 8 years in the states...

I guess in relations its okay to be different, but we must respect our differences...for example he use to like syrian series, and I didn’t object to it, however he use to FORCE me to watch it with him...okay I accept that, now I will not force you to watch the tv shows I like, but at least let me watch it... he was like no! don’t watch this nonsense! I use to love LOST, he made it into something against el3ageedah! WTF?!

He will turn anything I like into 7aram, bad, immoral or just plain forbidden... my books, my music, my friends, and even my choice in make up or clothes...

God if you see me when I was with him... you will not imagine how different I was! Everyone, literally EVERYONE who saw me then and now they are shocked... I heard it from everyone, my staff, my family, my friends, colleagues, even people I only meet once during the marriage and once after noticed the difference...now I’m myself...

I would’ve accepted to change during the marriage, but not morph into someone completely else?! Delete my identity and turn into someone I dislike!! I’m sorry I didn’t sign up for that...

I want someone to complete me...not cancel me out!

I want him to move on, ya7l 3anee...find someone else and get busy with them..

Simple, yet soooo complicated...