elb5ooor

Yesterday I couldn't wake up early, I was soooo tired! So around 11 I force my self out of bed, take a shower, and clean my room, I was putting a book back in the cabinet, and I see a small box, I open it and I find some 3ood...so I decided ok raa7 ab5r my room.. So I turn on the thing and the scent of ba5oor fills the room... Suddenly I get this feeling of nostalgia! I remembered my self ab5r my husband before friday prayers the way my mom did with my dad, I remembered changing the sheets and cleaning the bedroom on wednesdays when he went to his family and I will end the cleaning ritual with ba5oor...

The memories ached my heart, not because I miss them, NOT at all! Its just the clear fact the all my efforts to make that marriage a success failed...!
 
I look at married couples around me, and I feel this pain inside, squeezing my heart... Why can't I have this? Why can't I have a home filled with love, laughter and commitment to make it work...to overcome the fights, the flaws, the mistakes, the ticks...!
 
I cried last night when I went to bed, why I'm not sure?! But I guess I needed it out of my system before the week start...
 
I guess everyone goes around with their backpack of troubles and problems.. This is part of growing up in this life... So as I walk to the office I look around I see faces with smiles hiding pain? Loneliness? Fear? Heartache? It could be anything...