Today my husband called me saying that the lawyer didn’t show up, esh el lawyer el unprofessional hathaa that your letting me deal with?! And how do you allow this? And how and how... he wanted to fight...
So I told him listen, take this week to tasta5eer, then go to the court, finalize the divorce, and I give you my word that I will take the week off to finalize everything else. But I will not do anything until you finalize the divorce.
He said okay go to the bank sign the papers and I’ll divorce you there! Imagine my life became a business deal, that’s witnessed by idiots at the bank?!!! so I said I’m sorry I will never let you degrade me or patronize me in such a way...
So I said shoof, because you’re the father of my kids, and 7aag el3aesh wa el mel7 I do not wish to go to court and bad mouth you to get a divorce... I’m giving you the power! He replies sarcastically feek el 5aeer...
What can I say, then yeah he follows by saying, wa laa tabeen 6alag bl thalatha also? Then I say well I don’t care as long you don’t have the power to take me back without me knowing...!
He goes and say shoofy all of what you see in your work and life is because of your unfair treatment to me and your children... ohh bedena bl guilt trip, so I stop him and say please stop I will not allow this to go further, you have something to say go and talk to the lawyer or dbr nfsak, I will not allow you to play these mind games with me... I clearly told you what I want, I have nothing else to talk about, ma3 salamah...!
How did my life turn into a bargain? A deal? How did affection turn into hate? Conversations turn into fights? Decency turn into obscenity... is this marriage? Or this MY marriage? I don’t see my parents ketha, my siblings, my friends...so this is not marriage, this is not the norm, this is only my experience...
Well my beautiful morning didn’t last very long... lol
The hidden fights we fight with our selves, to be honorable, to be decent, to be just plain civil for the sake of any beautiful memory we once shared... for the sake of our kids who look up to us, for the sake of keeping a beautiful image of their parents in their eyes...
I need a hug...i need to go away and forget, I want to close my eyes and open them with me sitting somewhere beautiful reading a book, looking at people smiling, listen to music and laughs...no crying no arguments no fighting...!
One day,,,, one day my life will be perfect inshallah...i just need to be patient and complete this chapter...
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